Feelings: Does The Fear Of Abandonment Stop You From Showing Your Feelings?

Author: Oliver JR Cooper

When someone experiences something, there is likely to be what is going on in their mind and what is occurring in their body. And if one is unable to experience both sides, it might make it harder for them embrace what is taking place and it may cause them to come across as being out of balance.

If one was out of touch with their feelings, for instance, it might make it easier for them to handle what happens. However, there is also the chance that it will make it harder for them to enjoy what happens.

One may enjoy the experience more if they lost the ability to think and ended up being caught up in their emotions. Yet, there is also the chance that this would stop them from being able to act in the right way.

The Experience

What it can all depend on is the kind of experience that one is having; as although it might be something they can enjoy, it might not be. But just because it could be an experience that one may or may not enjoy, it doesn’t mean that they have to ignore part of themselves.

Ideally, one will be in touch with what is taking in their head and what is taking place in their body. This will mean that one can still experience their emotions and they can still think if they need to.

Three Options

There will be some people who are in touch with both sides and then there will be other people who are only in touch with one side. The first person is in balance and the other two are out of balance.

One can then come across as being in touch with their emotions, or they can come across as being out of touch with their emotions. The first person will then appear to be identified with their emotional body and the second person seems to be identified with their mind.


However, while there will be some people who are only in touch with one side; there will be others who only appear this way. The impression other people have of them is therefore, inaccurate and doesn’t match up with their true nature.

Although one may come across as though they don’t think, this could be something that only takes place when they are around others. And when one comes across as though they don’t feel, it could also be something that only happens when they are around others.


If they change when they are by themselves or when they are around certain people, it shows that it all depends on whether they feel safe or not. In order for one to embrace both sides, they will need to feel that it is safe for them to do so.

During the moments when one doesn’t feel safe, they could end up being emotional and act as if they are out of control, or they could hide how they feel and act as if they are in complete control.

Emotionally Expressive

When one shows how they feel, it will be easier for people to know where they stand and to feel connected to them. It will be a lot harder for this to occur when one hides how they feel.

This will also set one up to repress how they feel and for their emotions to build up within them. So as one will not allow other people to know how they feel, it will make it harder for them to understand them.


Not only will one be cut off from how they feel, they will also feel cut-off from others. This is because one’s feelings allow them to feel connected to themselves and they allow them to feel connected to others.

Yet, there is a big different between being emotionally out of control, and being in touch with one’s emotions. When one feels out of control, it shows they are unable to contain how they feel.

Emotional Containment

But when one can embrace how they feel, without needing to react or to deny how they feel, it will show that they can contain their emotions. They have the ability to be with their emotions and this stows that they feel that it is safe for them to do so.

When one is unable to contain how they feel and ends up covering up what is taking place within them, it shows that they don’t feel strong enough or safe enough to embrace how they feel. What feels safe is hiding how they feel and this is going to create problems.

The Reason

One will have the need to express how they feel, but something is getting in the way of that need. This could be because one fears that they will be abandoned if they show other people how they feel.

However, as one is no longer a dependent child, it might be hard for them to understand why they feel this way. What this will show is that although they look different, they still feel the same as they did as a child.


During these early years, their needs would have been neglected and this would have meant that they were abandoned. To be abandoned at this age would have caused one to feel as though they were going to die and this is because they didn’t have the ability to regulate their emotions.

The emotional experiences of the past will have remained with them and one will end up doing everything they can to stop these feelings from coming to the surface. It won’t matter if one has friends who won’t leave them or if they meet someone who is the same, as they will project their past onto them and this will stop them from being able to live in the moment.


In order for one to feel comfortable showing how they feel and to no longer experience life as they did as a child, it will be important for them to process their pain. This can take place through one grieving their unmet childhood needs.

The assistance of a therapist, healer and/or a support group may be needed.

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/self-improvement-articles/feelings-does-the-fear-of-abandonment-stop-you-from-showing-your-feelings-7216900.html

About the Author

Prolific writer, thought leader and coach, Oliver JR Cooper hails from the United Kingdom. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation; love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With several hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. Current projects include “A Dialogue With The Heart” and “Communication Made Easy.”

To find out more go to – http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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